Hello world. Long time no talk. I’ve been mostly offline for a few weeks, but no longer! The great Norwegian exodus is finally over and I’ve made the long trek back to fatty food and low prices. Mmmm early death.

I thought I might share a few pictures of one of my (many) trips to the theatre in Norway. Unfortunately, I never got any shots of the screen (due to potential anti-piracy freakouts in a language I don’t understand), but rest assured, it’s a big white rectangle.

The “Prince Theatre” in Trondheim. “Kino” is Norwegian for cinema, though it’s pronounced “shee-no” not “key-no”. I apologize, I promise I won’t try to be educational again.

A theatre lobby, with real, live people!

The dissection of a film projector. Shrek appears to be as shocked as I am.

One of these movies is one of the best this year. No, it’s not Marmaduke.

Even halfway around the world, there’s no escape from the horror.

Disney mural.

More Disney murals.

I thought this was particularly cool. All of the warm snacks are kept in these glass containers, so you can simply figure out what you want and take it up to the cash. Easier, faster lines, and the food didn’t even dry out. Perfect.

Some familiar faces and a couple Norwegian staples. Mmmmm Solo.

If you look carefully, you can see a few Shrek 4 promotions in the background. This theatre had them everywhere. I’m not sure if they actually saw the movie, but no quantity of giant Gingerbread Men could make me watch that again. Okay, maybe three.

Hollywood.com has compiled a list of the top summer films, factoring for inflation to get a fair head-to-head. Basically, it’s a list of Spielberg and Star Wars movies, but hey, is that really a surprise?

If you weren’t aware already, it turns out that people like going to the movies. I’ll wait for the shock to wear off. In the meantime, check out this infographic.

Chances are, if director Antoine Fuqua’s name rings a bell at all, it’s for his 2001 cop drama known as Training Day. Since then, things have been fairly quiet on the Fuqua front. It’s not that he hasn’t been creating movies, it’s just that they haven’t been garnering the attention that Training Day warranted (due largely to a fantastic, movie-carrying performance by Denzel Washington).

Brooklyn’s Finest is Fuqua’s latest cop-a-thon. Rather than focusing on a single storyline, the film focuses around three officers, each at different points in their career, each with their own stories. Richard Gere plays an officer nearing retirement. Decades on the job have worn him down to a point of complete apathy and self-destruction. Don Cheadle plays an undercover agent who, after such a long time living a lie, is starting to lose himself in his cover. Finally, Ethan Hawke portrays a family man with deep financial burdens, tempted to cross the line to get the money he needs.

Each of these men has been tainted by the job in their own unique ways. The film is a compelling character drama where most of the ‘action’ is in the character development itself. The actors really all need to be commended for their performances, as each of them bring to life what many might consider to be fairly stereotypical cop-clichés. Sure, a lot of the storyline may feel retread, but the shear level of grit characteristic in all of Fuqua’s films combined with the solid writing and performances by the leads, more than compensates.

Wesley Snipes also swaggers into the film as a drug dealer freshly out of prison. His charismatic performance typically steals the show whenever he and Cheadle have some sort of shady business. While perhaps not as deep and engaging as the leads, Snipes holds his own as a solid supporting actor who simply needed a bit more screen time to round out a few rough edges and unanswered questions about his character.

Brooklyn’s Finest takes an interesting approach in its presentation, in that it never felt like it was about any one of the leads in particular – similar in feel to Crash. Each man has their own segment and their own time, and the story breathes better because of it. Occasionally, characters and storylines intersect, but for the most part, the movie plays out like three separate mini-movies. Interestingly enough, there is often a symmetry among these stories, as periods of tension and action are paralleled within each character’s plotline, making for an interesting dynamic and engaging pace.

Overall, Brooklyn’s Finest is a great, gritty police film similar in feel to Training Day in many aspects. It will surely be overlooked this weekend because of hysteria over The Oscars and Alice in Wonderland, but fans of the genre should definitely take a look at this well developed character drama.

“What the fuck is happening?”

Say that out loud. Let it roll around on your tongue like a fine wine. Practice it until the words begin to lose all meaning – because if you choose to actually watch The Box, you’re going to be saying it an awful lot.

Cameron Diaz and James Marsden star in this twisted tale of morality as a married couple with financial difficulties. When a mysterious package containing a box with a push-button arrives at their door, Arlington Steward (Frank Langella) shows up to explain how this simple box could change their lives forever. If they press the button, someone in the world whom they don’t know, will die, but the two of them will receive one million dollars. If they choose not to, no harm, no foul, he takes the box back and continues on his way. Will they or won’t they push the button? Oh god! The moral conundrum!

The core plotline described above pretty much sums up the entire story on which this movie is based. A short story called, “Button, Button”, as well as the better known Twilight Zone episode, encapsulate the story with brevity, and the moral lesson is served better by it. The Box on the other hand lumbers through its 115 minute run time with such disregard for the source material that at one point you’ll no doubt ask yourself, “Wait. What does this have to do with a box and a button?”

It feels as though the writers for this embarrassment had a sci-fi story already penned, but needed some sort of event to frame it around. Maybe one of them was brainstorming with The Twilight Zone on in the background when this particular brand of movie magic occurred. The interesting part is, you can actually feel where the Twilight Zone episode ends, and the ridiculous filler begins (it’s the 35 minute mark, for those of you keeping score).

To be fair, the Twilight Zone episode wasn’t something particularly special – the acting and dialogue was terrible and more than a little cheesy. However, because it was so brief, it at least stayed true to the point of the story. There wasn’t anything in it that wasn’t relevant and by the time the twist is revealed in the end, the point is made and the story concludes satisfactorily.

The Box, however, is a clusterfuck of storyline. What begins simply enough with a moral choice that everyone can understand devolves into a mess, covering such topics as: the government, NASA, purgatory, mass-hypnosis, and magic/bizarre, unexplained phenomenon.

It’s fine to ask an audience to suspend its disbelief a bit for a science-fiction/thriller, but not at the cost of any sort of logical plausibility. Nothing in this film makes sense. Instead of eerie atmosphere and suspense, the film creates scenes of unintentional laughter and eye-rolling. The dialogue has some moments that are so bad, it just make a person’s skin crawl. The acting is about as good as it probably could have been given the nothing they had to work with.

The bottom line is that this movie takes a very short, simple, almost parabolic tale of morality and bloats it to a point of no longer being recognizable. It’s hard to imagine the rationalization behind creating a feature length film from a 20 minute, simplistic tale, but if it’s one thing Hollywood has proven time and again, it’s that they love their remakes.

Here is the complete Twilight Zone episode Button, Button.

Oscar season is fast approaching and as we get closer to March 7^th, ThatMovieSucked.com will begin pumping out more and more Oscar-related content. Hurray? You’re damn right ‘hurray’.

Today will feature a review of Up in the Air, a film nominated for Best Picture as well as garnering George Clooney a Best Actor in a Leading Role nod.

Up in the Air aptly stars the notorious bachelor as a traveling businessman who considers relationships and other people, excess baggage. When a change in his company threatens to make his solo, traveling lifestyle obsolete, a chain of events begins which forces him to re-evaluate the way he lives his life and the role other people should play in it – if any.

Likeable as always, Clooney’s natural charisma carries this film. His character, Ryan Bingham, is the typical charming, smirking character that Clooney usually plays, but it still works. Strong performances by Vera Farmiga and Anna Kendrick round out the cast and it’s not surprising that they themselves both score Best Actress in a Supporting Role nominations – even though most audience members will probably want to slap Kendrick’s “Natalie Keener” character. Keener indeed.

There’s been a fair amount of buzz for this movie, no doubt due to (or reflected by) the film’s multiple Academy Award nominations. However, as solid as the film was, it would be quite the upset for it to take top honours. It’s not so much a criticism of any specific failing of the film as it is praise for the superiority of other films in the same category. It is possible that Farmiga or Kendrick may yet snag a statue, but Clooney and director Jason Reitman shouldn’t hold their collective breath.

But as good as the movie was, its timing of being released during a global recession may have a lot do with why it was nominated for so many awards, rather than purely being a worthy contender. Clooney’s role as a man who fires people for a living, and the inevitable recurring scenes of random person getting fired after random person getting fired, no doubt resonated with audiences and the academy. Even though the novel this film was based on was released in 2001 – well before the recession caused the job market to fall apart – the film’s heavy job loss theme probably swayed a few votes its way. Does that invalidate the movie’s worth? Absolutely not, but it might explain why a “very good” movie is listed among far superior candidates for Oscar gold.

But nomination value aside, Up in the Air is a solid movie that is sharply written, charming, and features some great performances from everyone involved. The personalizing of a topic like mass layoffs is no easy feat, and it was presented in an entertaining story which keeps an audience invested from beginning to end. Certainly, Up in the Air is one of the strongest releases of 2009 – it’s just not the Best Picture.

You know the setup. The expendable side character is wandering somewhere they shouldn’t be. The music starts to get creepy and intense. Maybe the character calls out, “He-hello?” to no reply. The music intensifies. Then BAM!! A cat jumps out of the shadows and the audience jumps – another point for the suspense filmmaker.

In an age when audiences are numbed by suspense movies that use paint-by-number plotlines and rely on tired clichés for their chills, it’s difficult to find something truly original and worth watching. Martin Scorsese clearly understands this, because he has crafted one of his most enjoyable, as well as one of the best suspense films, released in a long time.

Scorsese’s go-to guy, Leonardo DiCaprio, stars as federal marshal Teddy Daniels in this mystery set in the 1950s. A murderer has escaped from an island asylum and Teddy and his partner (Mark Ruffalo) have been called in to investigate. But it’s immediately obvious to the pair that everything is not exactly what it seems, and the deeper they dig into the disappearance, the more they get drawn into the dark secrets hidden on Shutter Island.

It needs to be said that Shutter Island is not a film for everybody. While the film is an excellent example of a mystery/suspense, it does so in a reserved, subtle fashion, free of edge-of-your-seat scare tactics so common in modern films. Many will no doubt find this pacing too slow for their liking and feel that this style of movie is not what they signed up for. Still, the pacing and general creepiness of the stark setting works, and helps tell a thoughtful, well-developed story that doesn’t compromise believability for cheap thrills.

Another of the more distinct features of this film is its classic style. Shutter Island could have been dug up in some long-forgotten movie studio archive, an unviewed reel from the 1950s perhaps, and very little would be different. In fact, watching this movie feels like stepping back in time and watching a classic mystery instead of the latest Scorsese flick. From the dialogue to the cinematography, there’s a consistency throughout the film that fans of the genre will no doubt appreciate. Pairing a story set in the 1950s with a style consistent with that era was a great decision that only adds to the overall experience.

Great performances by DiCaprio and Ben Kingsley help fill out the story, and beautiful cinematography during certain sequences will surely make an impact. One of the only criticisms about the film is that there is a bit of a lag leading up to final act and that it might be a bit overlong in general. However, these are small complaints for an otherwise great experience.

Shutter Island is a breath of fresh air in a fairly stagnant film season. Scorsese once again shows his chops and demonstrates why he’s considered one of the great directors with this fantastic psychological thriller.

Sweet, sweet corporate whoredom. What else besides the quest for the cashgrab can you say is behind some of the upcoming sequel and reboot choices?

American Pie

Suddenly it’s the 90s all over again. It’s been confirmed that Universal wants to bring the American Pie franchise back for more pie-loving. The current direct-to-DVD American Pie series will (thank Jesus) cease immediately, and the franchise will instead turn its attention to creating a sequel to 2003’s American Wedding. Of course, a lot has changed since the series was in its heyday, and raunchy humour has only gotten more commonplace. It’s hard to say if audiences will still be shocked and amused by Jim and his pastry-humping, but the studio is looking to bring the writers behind the Harold & Kumar films on board, so it’s possible this might not be a total wash after all – especially if Doogie Howser shows up.

Scream 4

Speaking of the 90s, horror franchise Scream is looking to make a comeback. It’s been confirmed that Scream 4 is scheduled to begin filming in May 2010. The film will feature Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, David Arquette and all the other actors who didn’t make any sort of career after the films wrapped (no, Cougartown doesn’t count). Let’s hope they take an unique stand on this one and kill off everybody from the original series…or at least whoever was responsible for Scream 3.

Spiderman

In what is perhaps the most perplexing piece of news, Spiderman 4 has been scrapped in favour of a complete series reboot. Starting in 2012, the popular superhero series will start over again with a new cast, a new director and new plotlines. It took about 8 years before Batman audiences forgot the embarrassment that was Batman & Robin, but the Batman franchise bounced back better than it ever was. Let’s hope Spiderman can follow suit after the trainwreck of Venom and the super-cool Peter Parker seen below.

Vigilante justice is one of these ideas that action movies tap into time and again. Maybe it’s that there’s something liberating and satisfying about taking matters into your own hands when “the rules” have failed you, that an audience (at least on some level) can identify with – at least for ninety minutes or so.

It seems that this idea is what director F. Gary Gray is guessing will convince you that his modern legal revenge flick is worth a look. Unfortunately, he guessed wrong.

Gerard Butler stars as Clyde Shelton, a seemingly average, everyday man who suffers the great injustice of having his wife and daughter murdered in front of him. Despite him witnessing the act, only one of the men responsible gets sent to death row, while the other gets a slap on the wrist because of a legal technicality, resulting in a deal. This makes Clyde angry. Really angry. The rest of the movie is basically angry-Clyde unleashing his fury on anyone who had even the vaguest connection to his case, in an effort to send a message and change the legal system from “making deals with murderers.”

If the plot sounds a little shaky, that’s because it is. Threatening to fall apart at any moment, the story demands that you not think about it too hard as it wobbles from ludicrous premise to ludicrous premise. You can almost see the wheels turning in Clyde’s head when he has to somehow justify to Jamie Foxx’s DA character what it is that he’s doing and why he’s doing it. Perhaps the weakest moments of the film are when you, as an audience member, realize, “My god: he would have had to have thought that this overly-elaborate, nonsensical plan was the best way of getting even. This!”

My favourite line in the movie pretty much sums up how heavy-handed and simplistic the dialogue and plot is in this film. In an effort to explain to a judge how he hasn’t been able to stop Clyde’s rampage of death, one of the main characters replies, “It’s complicated, April! He’s very smart. He’s very angry.” Yup. It doesn’t get much more complicated than that.

What’s perhaps the biggest let down of the film is that it begins very compellingly, only to spiral out of control by the halfway mark. The opening scene shows Clyde’s family being killed. It is a very raw and unsettling sequence that makes the audience immediately empathize with Gerard Butler’s character. However, as events begin to unfold thereafter, that empathy begins to deteriorate as the motives behind his actions begin to get more and more muddied until it’s completely a mystery as to why certain people are being picked off. It’s almost as if the writers hit the thirty minute mark and thought, “Well, we kind of tied up everything. Hmm. What else should we do?” The answer: blow some shit up.

Law Abiding Citizen isn’t worth your time, unless you’re willing to check your brain at the door. If you’re desperate for a revenge flick though, rent this movie and turn it off after about twenty-seven minutes: it’s only downhill from there.

Valentine’s Day, or VD as I like to call it (thus likening the ‘day of love’ to gonorrhea), is a crock. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you don’t need a day to show it; if you’re bitterly single, you don’t need a day to remind you. So, by process of elimination, Valentine’s Day must be a day for people in unhealthy relationships hoping to prove to the other that they really aren’t. You can’t argue with science, people.

If you’d rather put a nail gun to your head than participate in any of the overly saccharine festivities of Valentine’s Day, you can fight against the masses by watching some movies that would make even Cupid reconsider this whole ‘love’ thing. While everyone else is curled up watching Love Actually, you can be sticking it to Hallmark by watching this list of five anti-Valentine’s Day movies.

Se7en

Nothing quite says “anti-Valentine” like this endlessly dark and twisted tale of grotesque, disfiguring death. Starring Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt, this movie is a relentlessly dreary film in which even the sun is too depressed to shine at any point. As for the specific anti-love sentiment, consider the “special present” that Pitt receives within the film’s final moments. Take that Cupid.

Requiem for a Dream

While not an anti-love movie per se, Requiem for a Dream is about as uplifting as a baby bunny getting kicked in the head. Illustrating the downturn of four drug addicts, this film only gets more and more depressing as the end credits get closer. Requiem is a beautiful and well-made movie, just probably not the movie you’d watch on a first date: in other words, it’s perfect for watching on anti-Valentine’s Day.

The War of the Roses

One of the ultimate anti-marriage, pro-divorce films, The War of the Roses stars Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner in all their 80s glory. This black comedy shows the gradual collapse of a perfectly loving couple’s relationship – to the delight of all who clutch their ears at the sound of wedding bells. As the bitterness escalates higher and higher, tables get thrown, happiness get sabotaged, and enemies of Saint Valentine delight with glee.

The Pursuit of Happyness

Will Smith stars in this true story of a father who seemingly couldn’t have any worse luck. His girlfriend (and son’s mother) leaves him, he loses his job, he loses his house, and at one point, he and his son have to sleep in a subway washroom. Perhaps meant to be an inspiring tale showing how even through the worst adversity, people can rise up and achieve true happiness, this movie simply makes you wish you were dead. Even the payoff in the end where he finally catches a break is only a couple minutes long, leaving the audience feeling somewhat cheated and just as empty. Feeling amorous yet?

The Break-Up

It’s hard to say which is more of a downer: the central plot of a couple yelling at each other for about an hour and a half, or Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston…together…in a movie. Either way, this film screams ‘uncomfortable’ and ‘not funny’ and is a final reminder that relationships can be horrible things and that these two should never co-star in a movie ever again.

Romance may not be dead, but with a little luck, this silly, pseudo-holiday soon will be. Happy VD.

Any movies you think should be on the list? Add them below in the comments.